One man's meat; did another man eat it?

Secretly we(silent majority) love the villain but publicly we praise the hero. This particular morning, I sat in a 14-seater taxi from Kyanja with the intention of accessing the central point of Kampala Capital City in the shortest time possible. As is the routine, 06:00am - 08:00am are rush hours for almost everyone around the city especially for taxi drivers. I witnessed the taxi guy dodging corners and using all the insane edges to escape the traffic jam and even when I closed my eyes not to see what this "mad" guy was up-to, my heart was beaming with excitement both at the thrill that came with the rush and also at the fact that he worked against my time constraints.

Did I feel guilty about my inner man? Insignificantly yes! A tingly thing in me felt like this guy was my hero in this particular moment and I bet you must be thinking, "how can human beings be this selfish?" But you already knew that, right? It is debatable whether human beings are innately selfish or not, but that's for another day.

The nature of a villain is unapologetic, unkempt, with no limits nor boundaries, always up for a challenge and one that he will put up a good fight for. Fortunately or unfortunately such struggles always end not in his/her favor but rather in favor of the hero, bringing to life the words, "Good always wins". In fact, because we depict the villains to be shrewd, gigantic and masculine, it is rare to even imagine a woman as villain later on a hero. In movies, the closest she has been is from Ugly Betty on one side and a witch, bitchy high-school fellow or evil stepmother in snow-white on the other. Well, thanks to WONDERWOMAN and the likes, for extending our imaginary lenses to this fierce woman.

Villains are always portrayed as fun characters while the heroes are just boring figures only intended to ride on our empathy. One might say that these are just movies, but the influence they have on us is just immeasurable and can be depicted in how we interpret our daily struggles, institutional movements and political regimes. Epithets no longer motivate heroism nor deter villain-ism.

The other day I visited the Uganda Museum which featured the Unseen Archives of Idi Amin Dada and I left challenge seeing a hero in the eyes of a villain. Slowly by slowly our society and culture are drifting into treating villains as heroes and we are back to the drawing board where one man's meat is another man's poison. I guess at the end of the day what matters is who tells the story and I pray that GOOD will always win.

Remember that "Until lions learn to write, every story of the jungle will glorify the hunter" African Proverb.

Edited version

I edited my story, thinking I'd feel good about the narration. Where convenient I threw in a little white lie and swiftly moved on with my life. Partly it was due to my shame, then my pride and also because I could. It's not easy to tell people exactly what is on your heart that sometimes I just want to draw a sketch and leave the mapping to whom it may concern. Trust issues are a big block to expression and may eventually lead to depression. 

For a while now, I have been advocating for authenticity but little did I know that half a truth is sometimes worse than a naked lie. One day I am testifying God's goodness after I lost my phone over the Good Samaritan who gave it back to me intact and the next am embarrassed to tell anyone about the trauma of having the same phone gruesomely snatched out of my hands along my other possessions only that this time, the situation is life threatening.

On this fateful evening, I arrived at my gate nearly at the same time with these two young men, after one of those long beautiful day (insert smiley face). Little did I know that it was to end with a long face. In my happy heart, these were just some of those passersby probably heading their way that I even dared to tender in my greetings. In a blink, one of them quickly reached out for my mouth to deter me from uttering any word while the other held the Safeboda guy I had arrived with at "Panga Point". For a minute I was in shock, and the next I was burning with anger at the helpless state I had just been subjected to by these young men turned thugs who in my judgement seemed to have just been welcomed into  their adulthood.

Let's just say I was given one more reason not to trust humans, but hey, what about my first episode about the Good Samaritan? what about my neighbors who reached out to me and hugged that trauma away, gave me a place to stay and food to warm my heart again? what about all those nights I have managed to get home safe and sound? what about all the good days in which I have enjoyed the calm and peace on this planet? what about every morning I wake up to my conscience? Or rather, these I have considered obvious and taken for granted?
 

It is very important that we always step aside and stoically recognize God's will in all situations. This will help us rejoice in a place of darkness and to remember that all things work out for the good of those who love the Lord. This love will seek us back into a place of peace and to know who to grieve before is how happiness happens when everything around you suggests otherwise.

I found myself a cheerleader.

Watching a 24 year old Ugandan Champion Halimah Nakaayi, scoop her biggest success so far as a gold medalist in the 800m at the 2019 World Athletics Championships filled me with so much joy not just for patriotic reasons but also motivational ones.

My emotional memory on victory is a faint one and it's for this reason that I'll share my thoughts. Have you ever wanted something so much, so bad and then time lapsed just before it landed in your hands? But it stayed so close like that shimmery yellow mango dangling low in a tree and a beat in your heart tells you, "....you could still get it." Then your hopes subtly die of hiccups.

The anxiety,  disappointment, anger, shame and sometimes depression just at the thought of never getting such an opportunity again or the fear that the same misfortune would invite itself again and you were inclined to feign fate. Most of our victories have died alongside our hopes

Eventually you make it, but all there is on your emotional mind is disappointment that you no longer have any feels left to celebrate your success. Running a race and winning it when all the cheerleaders have already laid their gear down can be a very draining victory. You forget to reward your efforts and celebrate the moment because probably it no longer means the same as it did during your earlier trials! But then it is in that moment that you realize that you have indeed run a good race, and made it till the end, regardless.

What you didn't notice is that "silent" voice in your heart, convincing your mind to withstand all waves around you, to keep moving on even when all your energies are gone.

What you didn't notice is that you became your own cheerleader. Inner celebration is a discipline and I don't mean this wave of parte after parte after parte! I mean that stamp on your chest that reminds you of all your failures hard enough to counter that with a shout of praise when victory finally arrives.

A pendulum oscillates in two direction with equal energies at equal speeds, one side should never frustrate the other. Let all your victories and failures increase your energy to grow, to increase your momentum and to make you a better person. Sometimes when the world around you goes to sleep, you have to encourage yourself to be that person you still dream about like David always did.