In my e-Motions

Some days are sunny and others rainy, with much more significance in the moments in between. The sunny days are full of hype, excitement, anxiety, extra energies and adrenaline rush. They are happy days, the extreme of which might sky rocket with wild fires. The rainy days on the other hand are foggy, slippery, extremely emotional, calming, isolating and sometimes depressing. It always feels like I am walking up mountains and down the valleys not to mention the camping sites I have to go through, so dynamic. But the moments at the camping sites help me to discern, evaluate and eventually aggregate my existence. For all I can say, these are due to some creepy invisible tiny little things moving down my body(read throat) called e-motions.

Rationality is not an element emotions respect. In the wake of reason, I find that I have done exactly what I have over and over again warned my conscience against. From experience, I have learnt that they(emotions) co-exist, that happiness is hardly absolute and neither is sadness; that they are so dynamic regarding state and intensity depending on what life has to offer, one minute I am oozing positive vibes and the next I  feel like I just got stung by a wasp. Sometimes I strongly feel love and hate simultaneously, pleasure and anger, contentment and guilt that to make sense out of this is to get lost in such confusion. But like they say, the beast you feed grows, so the magic is in striking a balance. One of my favourite biology topics was adolescence which brought to my realisation the bodily and emotional changes as one adults. Unfortunately, I imagined after that stage the body and its e-motions would stabilise and be more predictable. But all I can predict now is their unpredictability.

At a certain point in time, I used to beat myself about such state of being that sub-consciously arrested me out of my reason. I even thought that I am innately an evil person waiting on my surrounding to stimulate that beast in my veins. I consciously started to distance myself everytime the clouds weighed heavy with darkness until one day when this friend of mine at campus described a lady he was pursuing on a date as being so dynamic which immediately resonated with a being I wasn't sure was mine anymore. Many people refer to this as a mood-swing with the intention of insulting whoever demonstrates it, but I would rather look at it as one of the truest compliments any woman should get in her days. Ever since then, I have learnt to constantly be awake to my surrounding and more conscious of my interpersonal interactions in an attempt to inform my behaviour because I believe that emotions, like emoticons are infectious.

Learning to suppress or contain some of these wild feelings which emulate the fullness of my womanhood has certainly been the toughest self-taught lesson but it has dearly elevated my tolerance and maybe that's what some call emotional intelligence. Like creative thinking, debate, swimming, communication and any other skills, maybe emotional balancing/intelligence should be crafted as a life skill, specifically for these menstrual circulating emotions. But if not maybe that's where the point of living is, in being extra at the climax of our feelings. Where is the fun in being ambitive? Wear all your personalities if you may.