The Script(ure)

A few weeks ago, as I conversed with a couple of colleagues over a savoury meal, one question stayed up in the air. What's the plan, now that we have reached the considerable stages of our education system and are merely employed? Should we keep accumulating documents so that we are more competent in the work arena? Should it be okay that the ladder upstairs only aligns us into marriage, childbearing and then committing our entire future devoted to balance the family and work spaces?

As children, we were coerced into getting role models, mentors and sometimes counsellors to help us stay on the staircase. These played an important role but now that we are of age and are expected to be in charge of our own lives, what next? Have we grown up or we are simply growing old?

"Discipline, foresight and bourgeois willingness to delay gratification, are traits developed over time, through adults prodding and example..."writes Kay Hymowitz in her book Marriage and Caste in America. She argues persuasively that the life script of education, work and childbearing has been a powerful guide towards a rewarding life. Everyone is looking forward to a reward such as success, wealth and happiness.

The writer and activist, Maya Angelou, put it this way. "I am convinced that most people do not grow up, we marry and dare to have children and call that growing up. I think what we do is mostly grow old." It is suffice to note that I have completely nothing against marriage.

In reality we are a totalsome of what we eat, see, hear, touch and smell without forgetting the other senses of balance, pressure, temperature, pain and motion. These senses are nurtured in whichever environments we grow, by our parents or guardians, teachers and friends with no exception made to the movies we watch, music we listen to and the books we read. Henceforth, they culminate into our direct and indirect manuals and thus our subconscious life scripts.

My mid-twentienties have paused quite a big challenge beyond what I was warned about. At the end of my fourth year at law school, I undertook so many sleepless nights baffled by this puzzle. So many people my age seemed to have it all figured out; finish law school, go to Law Development Centre, do your masters, get employed in a prominent law firm, get married and blah blah blahhh. I was only certain that that's not what my happy future needed but had no idea how I was going to disentangle myself out of this script. Easier said than done, they say.

Wondering about, I learned to lean in more into nature, constantly listen to my heart and all that kept resounding was what the scripture says. I decided to surround myself with people that bring out not just the good in me but also the God in me. To choose the will of God as a way of life is a hard paper to this my generation. There are trends, media and peers wrapped as the job market ready to claim our future regardless of our different cultural and religious affiliations.
They regulates our thoughts, and we have chosen them for our next "big thing" because we trust the script. Truth is that the script delivers but partially as many young people have been faithful to it but they have been disappointed; quite an angst experience.

Proverbs 3:5-6, "trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not on thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths". Another very interesting chapter is Psalms: 119:105, " Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path."  The harvest is truly plenteous, but the Labourers are few, saith the Lord. There are many opportunities around us but maybe we are surrounded by so much darkness, we can't see them; we have internalized and crammed the ordinary life script but know so little about the scripture. Where could we ever go wrong with scripture directing our future?

To Whom It May Concern

Following my past blog, I get the impression that this fragile topic is of much more concern than I thought. Lots of amen were said in approval but a few colleagues put across some vital points which I intend to address first. For instance a one "Malaika" not the real name, reached out to me worried that washing our dirty linen in this virtual space could create mud to be slinged against us in the future, whether its in our immediate sects, work places or even political spheres. I totally agree without intending to shoot myself in the foot; there should be some kind of house-keeping.

It's great to know what to say but even greater to know when to say it and to whom it may concern. Much as we are talking about being authentic and emotionally expressive, we need wisdom and a deeper understanding of the audience.

Focusing on "specific events" such as heartbreaks, childhood memories, conflict, anxiety, depression, failure and trauma because that's what most people expected is not what matters.  The focus would rather be about your responses, your feelings beyond the incidents, the connections and relationships built; the links between the past and the present happenings to future projections.

Draw the bigger picture exploring the changes in the thoughts, behaviour and feelings. With this analeptic power of writing, carefully chosen words can ease pain both with the writer and consumer and the reverse is true. Remember that the tongue is a double edged sword and so much can be unravelled when pen meets paper. Don't set your own emotional trap.

Engaging in past pains may further hurt rather than heal us. We have seen victims of rape traumatised when summoned as witnesses confessing that they are living through such painful moments twice thereby compounding emotional issues. One needs to be very courageous and more adept at expressing and experiencing their emotions healthily. I have seen Joyce Meyer and Oprah Winfred talk about their bitter childhood but with grace and that you don't just build in a day, be patient with yourself.

I know that for most of us, about this time of the year, all the air smells like roses, but let's not pollute it with emotions we can not bear. Take time off to build that self-awareness, self-compassion and self-command as well as identifying the most appropriate medium of expression. However, there can always be channels of expression when one intends it to be therapeutic. Prayer, meditation and accountability partners have always been helpful to me. In other words call upon God before anyone else and He'll always see you through. Seek secondary help from "listeners" and like minded people with good intentions depending on a case by case.

Expressive writing may be a skill we need to interest ourselves with in order to have a positive society-building and yet authentic communication.
All in all, for whatever you write, ensure that if it were read to you 100 years later, it would still put a glow in your heart but also have the freedom to grow and change opinions.